What day is it?

When you're trying to conceive, it's not enough to remember that it's Friday, February 1st. It's also cycle day...something. After over a year of trying I still can't get it right. The fact that I'm a nurse has not helped in this regard. Somehow, when you're the one with the problem (not a patient), even things that seemed very obvious and straightforward are no longer so.

Cycle day one. Everyone knows this is counted as the first day of your flow. But what is flow? If I have spotting and light bleeding for 4 days, is that flow? Or is flow that 5th day of heavier bright red blood that only lasts a day? Am I waiting too long to start my meds if I wait until that 5th day or am I starting them too soon when I start on the 3rd day of light flow? I have yet to get a satisfactory answer from any doctor or nurse. Everyones' menses is different, and everyone has a different perception about said menses. Light for me might be heavy to someone else. Why is this so hard?! I thought maybe charting would help, but that hasn't given me any clarity either. After 17 years of periods and 15 months of pretty close scrutiny, I still don't understand my cycles.

So, this round I agreed to an ultrasound on day 8 or 11 (depending on when you start counting) to try and sort things out. That means I'm going to the city on Sunday. The good thing is my doctor is working this weekend, so I'll get to check-in with her. The bad thing is that MM works all day on Sunday. Thankfully a girlfriend is going with me. I just hate going to those things alone. It's hard not to have some expectation, and I never get what I'm expecting. You'd think I would learn to go in with no expectation, but I can't. At least not yet.