No Mas

This is definitely my least favorite post to write. You know, the one that comes after the two week wait where I have to say it didn't work (again). We tried, we hoped, we waited, we got one line.

I could tell from the way I was feeling on Monday that I wasn't pregnant, but it's hard to say anything before you get the official negative. Everyone wants you to be so positive, like my fatigue and emotional liability could be the result of those blasted hormones or even better yet--pregnancy! I knew it wasn't either of these things. It was just me on the downward spiral to cycle day 1. It's kind of nice to get some warning. It softens the fall a little.

Of course I still took the pregnancy test and had a sliver of hope that I was wrong about the whole thing. That maybe it finally worked, that we would have a baby in November and spend the holidays with family and our newborn baby. Still, I was expecting one line, and wasn't surprised when that's what I got.

After 4 IUIs I think we've played it out. My doc is on vacation, but I talked to her nurse today and I think we're going to move toward IVF. I need some better odds. The disappointment and despair is deep.