I spent the vast majority of my day "off" today in appointments and waiting rooms. I failed to bring any knitting, so I was forced to catch up on celebrity gossip and the economy.
We kicked off the big day with IUI #4. I had a positive surge yesterday (though I always feel like maybe I imagined it), and since it's a weekday we skipped the trip over the Golden Gate and went looking for the Marin office. It was a much smaller scale operation than the main campus in the city, which was nice in a way. There were only two other women that came in and out while we were there. The doctor made some borderline inappropriate comment about how there was only one person that ejaculated in the office today, so not to worry about a mix up. Thanks--I wasn't worried until you said that.
The fourth try doesn't feel very hopeful. I actually started crying a little on the table when he was doing the IUI. Not because it hurt, but because I know what's coming. The unbearable 2ww and, most likely, another negative. It's hard to hope again every cycle when all I get is disappointment.
Luckily we finished up with the RE just in time to make it to my counseling appointment (I really needed it). From there I went to get my teeth cleaned before ending the day with acupuncture. Sometimes acupuncture is like a second counseling session. I shared my frustrations with Laurel today and she helped me see how I might try to shift my thinking about all the meds and procedures and to see them as my ally rather than my enemy. As much as I want to get pregnant, I have resented the interventions it's taking to get there. I'm realizing more and more how that just doesn't serve me well, so I'm going to work on it.
Thanks for checking in and keeping up. Let the 2 week wait begin.
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6 comments:
sounds like you had quite a busy "you" day today!
sorry you're feeling so down and discouraged. the 2ww is so hard, especially after so many disappointments. I think your acu is right though. it's hard not to resent the intervention and be frustrated with our own bodies... wishing you lots of luck this time.
also can't believe your experience in the satellite office -- that sounds awful! (can you tell me the initials of the RE who said that? was it SS or someone else? just curious. I know the SF docs rotate... ) jeez...
~luna
it is nice to know that it is definitely MM's baby... :) I hate appointment days like that. I am sorry that what was supposed to be so easy has turned into a struggle. i know it is hard to maintain postive thinking after a while, but... YOU CAN DO IT! i'll be thinking of you during your two week wait.
Jess,
I am here waiting and hoping with you during this next two weeks. You are always in my thoughts and prayers. Love you!
Analisa
I'll be here to keep you company through the 2ww!
"try to shift my thinking about all the meds and procedures and to see them as my ally rather than my enemy."
I read your post yesterday and spent at least an hour last night thinking about this statement. It makes sense to my brain, but my heart just can't embrace these "allies". I need to find a way to reconcile the two.
Sounds like you had a busy day.
Thinking of you! Can't wait to see you!
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