Wednesday, January 2, 2008
New Year-New Cycle
This isn't fun anymore. I've been on hiatus from any medical treatments since August. When we stopped, the plan was always to restart in 2008. I thought after 4 months off I'd be ready to "do" something again. And up until a few days ago I was. I didn't want anything to get in the way of starting treatments with this cycle. But for some reason when day one came and it was actually time to pick up the meds and get started I just didn't want to. I want to get pregnant the way "everyone" else does. Without any pills or intrauterine inseminations or urine tests. I'm mad that this is the way it is. I'm not excited (even though everyone acts like I should be) and I'm not very hopeful. I'm just doing it because it's the next step and there's an 8-10/100 chance it could work. Maybe I'll be one of the eight. But odds are I won't. This is just how it is, so here I go again.
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5 comments:
I ended up taking a 2 year hiatus to sort out all of my issues. One of the main ones was wanting to be like everyone else, natural, what have you. I found I had to grieve what I felt I had lost first before I was ready to try again.
Be patient with yourself and give yourself the time you need. You'll go into the next round stronger and happier for it.
I completely agree with katarina. I went through the same stage as well. Actually, I never got diagnosed but after the third miscarriage and all the meds and shots I myself decided I had enough because I couldn't imagine myself going through it again so I decided to adopt. I am not saying this is what you need to do. I am just saying what you are going through is normal because it just doesn't seem fair. Also, take all the time you need. You deserve that time and you need emotional strenght when or if you do the process again. Hang in their babe. I think of you often.
katarina has some wise words. a break is good for grieving, preparation, and building strength.
btw, I also go to ucsf and I wonder if we have the same RE. I trust her implicitly -- she did 2 surgeries on me and 3 iuis before my recent (failed) ivf. I sincerely hope you have a better outcome with much less effort... ~luna
Luna, I see Dr. Cedars @ UCSF now. I immediately trusted her too.
yep, that's her. I could tell from the description of your consult. I really really like her. it's not a fancy clinic but top research and highly skilled REs. she is top of her game, works really hard and does it for her patients. I hope you are happy there, once you learn to navigate their system. she did some serious surgery on me and always took the least invasive approach (e.g., IUIs first, clomid before injectibles, low dose meds). one thing though, if you want to be more aggressive you may have to push a bit. but I had the same idea, if this can work without the extra effort and expense why not try it first. but time passed...
anyway, best of luck to you!
~luna
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