Negative is a word that we throw around a lot in health care. Sometimes negative is good, i.e. "Your HIV test was negative". But for a woman trying to get pregnant, negative is not what you want to hear when your talking about the results of a quantitative Hcg (blood pregnancy test). That's what I got this week.
It wasn't enough that the home pregnancy test was negative (yes, I caved and took 2 last week). Since it had been 2 weeks since my IUI and I still hadn't started my period I had to do the blood test, then wait anxiously for the results. I totally expected it to be negative, but when I actually got the call I kind of lost it. Lucky for me I had a friend who took me to the beach.
It was late afternoon on a beautiful sunny day so we walked and talked for several miles down the beach, only seeing 5-6 people the whole time. It was just what I needed. So much about the ocean is therapeutic for me, the smell, the sound, the vastness and connectivity of it. It helped make a no good, very bad day into one with a more nuanced meaning; loss and sadness with beauty and friendship.
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Mom to a healthy and spirited boy thanks to a successful round of IVF. Since then I've had two first trimester losses. The journey continues...
About Me
- CC
- California, United States
- MM and I have been married for 11 years. We were blissfully childless for 6 of those years, then it started to get painful. In our late 20's, we thought we were too young for this sort of thing. We soon learned that infertility is not a respecter of age or good living. After a year and a half of trying (with lots of "help"), and a somewhat challenging pregnancy (preterm labor, gestational diabetes, etc.) we had our son at home December 28, 2008 at term. After so many years of waiting and wondering, I was finally a mom. Now we want to expand our family again. So far it isn't going the way I had hoped.
A "Brief" History
- May 2011: Loss at 6 weeks gestation
- November 2010: Loss at 9 weeks gestation
- December 28 2008: Jonas is Born! 6 lb 12 oz.
- May 15 2008: 6w US-singleton
- April 2008: IVF #1-BFP!!
- February 2008: Medicated IUI #4-BFN
- January 2008: Medicated IUI #3-BFN
- December 2007: New RE.
- September-December 2007: No meds. Just us. Lots of sex. No babies.
- September 2007: Re-started acupuncture.
- August 2007: Medicated IUI #2-BFN
- August 2007: HSG shows potentially obstructed left fallopian tube.
- July 2007: Clomid with timed intercourse-BFN
- June 2007: Medicated IUI #1-BFN
- May 2007: First appt with RE. Quit acupuncture.
- March 2007: Started acupuncture.
- December 2006: Made an appointment with an RE, then canceled it. Maybe FSH isn't all that important.
- November 2006: Promptly stopped any form of contraception and hoped for the best.
- October 2006: 3 Day FSH 10.7. Ouch. Wasn't ready for that.
- September 2006: Started obsessing about my cycles after an RE gave a lunch CME at work. Noticed my cycles seemed to be getting shorter. Wondered if we should start trying.
- June 2003: Laparoscopy and HSG. Diagnosed with mild endometriosis. Both tubes were patent, so nothing to worry about fertility wise (or so we were told).
4 comments:
Jess- I am reading this with tears in my eyes. I so want you to be a mom and experience all that comes with it- and our little girls have to go to LPBC together- so they can start a life time of friendship. I wish I could be there to see you right now. Love Mo
Jessicca,
I wish I was there to walk and talk with you on the beach. I'm glad you have such good friends surrounding you right now. I love you...
-Looch
Jess- I was just laying in bed thinking how unfair all of this is-I am angry and sad. I remember reading in one of your earlier posts about women that come into the clinic and are pregnant for the 6, 7th time- or as I often see in the ED, high on crack- or I read in one women's chart 7 AB's I just don't understand it. I am so hopeful your journey is not negative in the end. Love Mo
I am so sorry for your negative hCG. :-( I'm glad that you had such a wonderful friend to take you to such a theraputic place! Good friends are truly hard to find. :-)
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