Unchanged

The last few days have been fairly uneventful--as it should be. I haven't been to the hospital since Saturday, and my cervix was essentially unchanged on exam today. I'm still having contractions, but not very regularly.

I'm doing everything I can to keep my baby safe inside, but the outcome is out of my control. I have probably mentioned before that as a rule, I'm a planner. This whole thing has changed a lot of plans already. The uncertainty and anxiety can be difficult to handle. Will I be able to go back to work? Will he come early? Will he be healthy? It's hard to put these questions aside and just be with myself in the moment. It's also hard not to feel let down by my body. It wasn't enough that I had such a hard time getting pregnant, now my uterus may be trying to get rid of this kid before he's ready. What is wrong with me!

I know it's pointless to go down this road. There's no way of knowing what is really going on in there. It's all a mystery. We take it as it comes.

As for the update on me and my sedentary life, I'm thinking about doing some admin work from home to help keep my mind engaged and help me feel useful. So far I've finished a knitting project, read a book, talked to lots of friends and family, scoured craigslist (I'm kind of an addict), organized some old photos, and thought a lot about my little boy. Nothing else is new. My OB might repeat the fetal fibronectin on Friday, but if everything stays quiet I shouldn't have any more exams or appointments until then.

Oh, one exciting thing is we have a friend coming over to the house tonight to take some pregnant pictures of me and MM. I figure now is as good a time as any. I'll post some in the next few days when I get them back. I'll try not to look too gross and bed resty.