Saturday, August 18, 2007
This little graphic pretty much sums it up. There are so many conflicting feelings associated with infertility. Sometimes I'm just sad, other times I'm angry about the apparent injustice of it all, and then there's the guilt. I feel guilty for waiting when I knew I had endometriosis, guilty for putting my personal and professional goals before my desire for a family. We all make our choices, and I don't know if I would have done it any other way, but sometimes I still feel guilty. I'm happy I have options, and sad that I have to work so hard for something that should be so natural. I'm afraid I'll try everything and nothing will work.
My feelings about friends and family with small children or who are pregnant can be complicated and confusing as well. I am usually able to separate my sadness from the joy I feel for them, but there are twinges now and then that are hard to avoid. It's usually more of a "left out" feeling than real jealousy. I want to have the experience too, but can't, at least for now. If you're reading this and are a friend, I still want to know if you're pregnant and I'll still love to play with your kids. I am truly happy for you, I'm just sad for me too. I'm trying to recognize these feelings without judgement and accept them as they come. It's all part of the deal.