He Moves

Little man is getting more and more active. I don't feel him much during the day while I'm at work, but at night when I quiet down, he wakes up. Last night MM and our house mate Nena both felt him squirming around in there.

Everyone says it, but it truly is amazing. To feel another little person inside, living and moving. Sometimes it catches me off guard and I can't help but laugh.

There have been so many times when I wondered if I would ever experience this, and now I am. Sometimes it seems too good to be true and I worry that something could still go wrong, but I am trying to leave my anxieties and live in gratitude for this moment.

Half Way!

This is me at 20 weeks! Definitely pregnant, right? So maybe the baby blue and horizontal stripes accentuate the effect. Still, most people who don't know for sure aren't willing to risk embarrassment by asking--until today. Yes, it's a major milestone worthy of documenting. One of my elderly patients asked if I was expecting. I was thrilled to tell her yes, and she was excited to hear the news. I can't believe it's half way over. I'm still enjoying almost every minute.

More Results

Our Genetics Counselor called last week to give us the numbers. The odds of our baby having Trisomy 18, 21, or a Neural Tube Defect all came back better than our age-adjusted risk. Great News! That's really the last big hoop. Now we're just settling into the last half of pregnancy.

An Anniversary

This has to be one of the most wanted and planned pregnancies ever. I guess that's why I was surprised last week when I started feeling a little sadness and loss about the change that is coming.

MM and I just celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary. I feel like we're at a really good place in our relationship, and I'm getting a little nervous about how things are going to change when our baby boy is born. I know this is a natural part of the process, and that even though things will change, it doesn't mean our relationship as we know it is over. I'm trying to stop judging my feelings and accept them for what they are. I realize our time as a family of 2 isn't going to last much longer, so we're enjoying it while we can.

We spent our anniversary weekend at at B&B on the coast--just the getaway we needed. I hope we get a few more mini-vacations in before the baby comes. The place was beautiful. There was even a wedding in the garden the afternoon we arrived. It was perfect. The seals cooperated too. I could sit and watch them for hours. They're hilarious.

X & Y

MM got cold feet about finding out the gender of our little one last night. He didn't feel ready to know that much about our baby. I decided not to fight it, but to let him sleep on it. I was pretty sure he'd come around. It's a good thing he did, because even if we didn't want to know, it would have been hard to miss. Yes, that's right, it's a boy! Complete with all his requisite parts (brain, heart, kidneys, bladder, stomach, penis, etc.) in a 9 oz. package. The placenta isn't over my cervix and we saw the blood flow through the perfect 3 vessel cord just as it should. I got a little teary looking at our little boy there on the screen, thinking about him inside of me, and as a little boy in our arms. This will be our last glimpse before delivery (assuming all continues to go smoothly). I can hardly believe it's almost half over! I'm so, so happy and humbled by the whole experience.

Christmas in August

It feels like Christmas Eve. The night before we find out if we will have a son or a daughter. I'm so excited! Not sure if I can sleep.

Birth is like a marathon?

We spent last weekend in the city for the SF Marathon. MM had been training for months, and was excited to finally run the race. The last marathon he ran, we ran together (not exactly together, but we both ran it) almost 8 years ago. I didn't even think about running this one, but that didn't stop me from getting almost teary listening to a woman talk about the pace teams at the expo the day before--that's not normal, it's hormones. I ran one marathon yes, but I am by no means a runner, and don't really aspire to be. Hormones are the only semi-rational explanation.

After the grueling 26.2 mile course around the very hilly city of San Francisco, MM was in a considerable amount of pain. He took the opportunity to tell me that maybe this would help him empathize with my pain in childbirth. While I'm not sure how similar the experiences are, I appreciate the thought.

I've been thinking and reading more about the birth process in the past few weeks. Birthing from Within is a book that was recommended by one of my preceptors in school who was a midwife. I've always remembered it and have given it and recommended it to pregnant friends before me, always looking forward to the day when it would be relevant to me. I bought my own copy about a week ago and have already almost finished it. Her approach is natural and intuitive. MM and I have both found it to be valuable.

As a result, I've also become very interested in the birth stories of other women in my life. If anyone feels like sharing her birth story either here in the comments or by e-mail (or by connecting me to your blog about it) that would be great. I'm not as interested in the play by play as the challenges and emotions of the whole thing. What you remember most, what you loved, what you might change.

So, that's the update at 18 weeks. Still haven't felt any movement, and can't wait to see the little one on ultrasound this Thursday! Looks like the votes are pretty evenly split boy/girl.