Bright Spots

I went for my prenatal intake appointment a few weeks ago. I'm a pretty healthy girl (except for the whole IF thing), and hadn't been to the doctor for anything other than fertility-related concerns in over 3 years.

The prenatal intake is extensive. They want to know about everything that has ever been wrong with you or anyone related to you. It's also a bunch of social history questions (drugs, alcohol, etc.). I'm pretty boring all the way around. Then she got to the psychiatric history, "Have you ever been depressed?" Until about a year ago I would have said no, not really. But as you can imagine, the experience of infertility can be a pretty serious blow to the psyche. The support of friends and family was great, but there really is something different about the therapeutic relationship.

I've mentioned going to counseling sessions a couple of times on the blog, but today I felt like giving a little credit to my therapist. I started seeing therapist last spring just before my first appointment with the RE. I've seen her almost every week since then. Some sessions it seemed like I didn't do much except cry. At other times we were able to explore my fears and feelings about family and what it is to be a woman. I've learned to examine myself and my reactions, and to be more authentic in relationships.

The day after I found out I was pregnant I was scheduled to have a phone session with therapist (we were traveling and I couldn't see her in person). On the phone with therapist, for the first time since getting the great news, I cried. I was overwhelmed with appreciation for the relationship that we have developed over the past year and for the ways in which she has helped me grow. That's the crazy thing about therapy. If done well, it creates space and a safe relationship where you are able to question, examine, and grow. Over a year later, pregnant and waiting, I'm a healthier person at least in part because of my work with therapist. I feel more ready to handle motherhood or whatever else comes. If it hadn't been for this whole IF thing, I might never have made the effort to go to therapy. That's my bright spot for today.