I am of course referring to my breasts. I know this is not the experience of everyone, but for me, labor pales in comparison to breastfeeding. Things are just now starting to get a little easier (i.e. less painful). Right around the 3 week mark we started feeding without the nipple shield during the day. We were both too tired and frustrated at night to go without it for the first few days, but now we've been feeding unshielded for a little over a week. The good news about that is I no longer have to pump! The bad news is he's destroyed my nipples. Cracked, bleeding, macerated--not a pretty picture. I've consulted with several nurses and midwives over the past week and have some ointment that's helping. I'm also spending as much time as possible au naturale (which MM loves of course). Jonas has a pretty good latch now, but I think I was just so anxious to get him off the shield I didn't pay much attention to his positioning at first. Then by the time I did, it was too late. It seriously felt like a hot knife stabbing me when he latched on. It took my breath away. Then on top of it I got a plugged milk duct. The combination of the pain, fatigue, and postpartum hormones have made me a little crazy, but at least I recognize it for what it is--part of a difficult transition to motherhood.
I don't say this to scare or discourage anyone from breastfeeding--I'm still glad I'm doing it and know it's good for Jonas and for me (even when it hurts). I was just totally unprepared for the challenge that breastfeeding can be. If anyone else is having trouble breastfeeding or isn't having the blissed-out experience you've read about you're not alone, and it does get better.
There's so much more I'd like to say about my transition, but that will have to wait for another post. Most of my time has been full of feeding, baby-care and breast-care lately, with an afternoon walk in the Moby. It hasn't left much time for blogging. This morning though my son is asleep on my chest and is letting me do some catching up. I can't believe he's a month old today!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Grandma
MM's mom made this blanket.She died 4 years ago.
We miss her.
Jonas would make her happy.
She would have been a wonderful grandma.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Home Birth Part II
I thought it was interesting that the two comments about my first home birth post both mentioned the issue of control. One said that home birth felt uncontrolled, the other that the woman seems to be more in control during a home and/or water birth. As someone who likes to plan and control to a certain extent, this was one of my main challenges to overcome. Some of the best advice I got during my pregnancy regarding labor was that it is the ultimate letting go. There's no controlling it, and the sooner you realize that and let your instincts take over, the better off you'll be. Easier said than done, but by the time I was ready to give birth I was in a pretty good space to just let it happen however it needed to.
An OB nurse and friend likes to say that most women spend way too much time preparing for and worrying about something that will likely last less than 24 hours and will happen regardless (the childbirth part). She recommends spending more time preparing for parenting and breastfeeding. Good advice, but back to the home birth stuff...
We came to home birth out of the desire to have a natural and unmedicated birth in a comfortable environment with minimal intervention. Initially I thought that a birthing center would be the way to go, but when I visited ours I realized that a birth center birth is really just a home birth at someone else's house (assuming the home birth is attended by a professional who has all the necessary equipment and training to handle an emergency). If you were at home or in a birthing center and you needed a c-section, you'd still have an ambulance or car-ride to the hospital.
Fear is another big consideration. For me, I felt safer and more comfortable delivering in my own home, with professionals I know and trust who were committed to being there for me through the whole process and shared my goal for the delivery--a safe and healthy mom and baby with minimal intervention. I realize most people probably don't feel this way, and I'm not against hospital births if that is where you feel most comfortable, but I do think women should have a real choice and not be forced into the hospital because someone scared them into it. The outcomes for attended home births in low risk women are as good as or better than hospital births. I think because of my profession and training as a nurse practitioner, I have more first-hand knowledge about the advantages and limitations of the hospital setting. For me, home just felt right. That said, I was completely willing to go to the hospital if I needed to. Thankfully, I had a positive experience and got what I wanted, a healthy baby and mom.
The other great thing about home birth is you never have to go anywhere. It may sound obvious, but staying home and sleeping in our bed with MM and our baby from the beginning was great, and much different than the hospital. Having control over who was there and when they came was also great. It was just the birth experience I wanted.
I can't think of anything I would have done differently, except maybe turn the hot water heater up. It took forever to fill the AquaDoula.
An OB nurse and friend likes to say that most women spend way too much time preparing for and worrying about something that will likely last less than 24 hours and will happen regardless (the childbirth part). She recommends spending more time preparing for parenting and breastfeeding. Good advice, but back to the home birth stuff...
We came to home birth out of the desire to have a natural and unmedicated birth in a comfortable environment with minimal intervention. Initially I thought that a birthing center would be the way to go, but when I visited ours I realized that a birth center birth is really just a home birth at someone else's house (assuming the home birth is attended by a professional who has all the necessary equipment and training to handle an emergency). If you were at home or in a birthing center and you needed a c-section, you'd still have an ambulance or car-ride to the hospital.
Fear is another big consideration. For me, I felt safer and more comfortable delivering in my own home, with professionals I know and trust who were committed to being there for me through the whole process and shared my goal for the delivery--a safe and healthy mom and baby with minimal intervention. I realize most people probably don't feel this way, and I'm not against hospital births if that is where you feel most comfortable, but I do think women should have a real choice and not be forced into the hospital because someone scared them into it. The outcomes for attended home births in low risk women are as good as or better than hospital births. I think because of my profession and training as a nurse practitioner, I have more first-hand knowledge about the advantages and limitations of the hospital setting. For me, home just felt right. That said, I was completely willing to go to the hospital if I needed to. Thankfully, I had a positive experience and got what I wanted, a healthy baby and mom.
The other great thing about home birth is you never have to go anywhere. It may sound obvious, but staying home and sleeping in our bed with MM and our baby from the beginning was great, and much different than the hospital. Having control over who was there and when they came was also great. It was just the birth experience I wanted.
I can't think of anything I would have done differently, except maybe turn the hot water heater up. It took forever to fill the AquaDoula.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Home Birth
I read a post from a fellow blogger who was on a rant against home birth. It was disappointing to see the misinformation that's out there. Especially after having had such a wonderful home birth experience. It made me wonder if anyone reading my blog had questions about home birth our our decision to birth at home. It's important to distinguish an attended home birth (attended by a licensed professional i.e. MD, CNM, etc.) from an unattended home birth or a birth attended by a lay midwife. I had regular prenatal care and was attended by licensed professionals with years of experience with labor and delivery in a variety of settings. We had all the equipment we needed to monitor the baby and to manage an emergency (oxygen, pitocin for postpartum hemorrhage, etc.). So this is your chance to get your burning home birth questions answered. Fire away.
Due Date and Breastfeeding Boot Camp
Today is my due date--a date I've been repeating for the past 9 months. It's strange that it's here and I'm holding my one week old son. I'm so glad he decided to come when he did. I think 6 lb 12 oz was about all I could handle. The tax break is also a nice bonus.
I have been in breastfeeding boot camp for the past week, hence the lack of posting. I have had great support throughout the process, from the lactation consultant, MM, my parents, and my midwife. It's not as easy as I thought it would be. It took several days for my milk to come in, and even then, he had trouble getting a good latch. I saw the lactation consultant last Tuesday. She recommended a nipple shield, which has made breastfeeding much easier. Unfortunately the nipple shield can make transferring milk a little more difficult for the baby, so in addition to about 40 minutes of breastfeeding every 2-3 hours, I also have to pump 15 minutes and supplement with the expressed breast milk. So that's pretty much been life for the past week. I breastfeed, MM changes Jonas and gives the supplemental milk while I pump. Between feedings I try to get a shower in, feed myself, and nap. We also spend a lot of time just staring at Jonas. It's truly amazing to see him here after so much anticipation.
It's been so fun to share the excitement of our son's arrival with our friends and family. The support from our community has been great. It's really beautiful to experience the love people share during these important transitions in life. My parents arrived on Thursday and left early this morning. The timing was perfect. It gave us a few days to get settled and be alone with Jonas and they were here to help when we really needed it.
I had a little melt down on Friday. Up until then I had been feeling pretty good (other than a painful perineum). The midwife came over to weigh Jonas and check-in on the breast-feeding. He was looking a little jaundice, had lost weight, and only took 1/2 an ounce in a 40 minute feed (we checked his pre and post feeding weight). I felt horrible about not being able to feed my baby and was so tired I was getting irrational. By the next day though I was feeling better and have made peace with the pump. I still don't like it but I'll pretty much do anything for this little guy.
In other exciting news, I shaved my legs for the first time in months! I almost forgot it was possible. As much as I loved being pregnant, it's nice to have him on the outside now and get my body back.
I have been in breastfeeding boot camp for the past week, hence the lack of posting. I have had great support throughout the process, from the lactation consultant, MM, my parents, and my midwife. It's not as easy as I thought it would be. It took several days for my milk to come in, and even then, he had trouble getting a good latch. I saw the lactation consultant last Tuesday. She recommended a nipple shield, which has made breastfeeding much easier. Unfortunately the nipple shield can make transferring milk a little more difficult for the baby, so in addition to about 40 minutes of breastfeeding every 2-3 hours, I also have to pump 15 minutes and supplement with the expressed breast milk. So that's pretty much been life for the past week. I breastfeed, MM changes Jonas and gives the supplemental milk while I pump. Between feedings I try to get a shower in, feed myself, and nap. We also spend a lot of time just staring at Jonas. It's truly amazing to see him here after so much anticipation.
It's been so fun to share the excitement of our son's arrival with our friends and family. The support from our community has been great. It's really beautiful to experience the love people share during these important transitions in life. My parents arrived on Thursday and left early this morning. The timing was perfect. It gave us a few days to get settled and be alone with Jonas and they were here to help when we really needed it.
I had a little melt down on Friday. Up until then I had been feeling pretty good (other than a painful perineum). The midwife came over to weigh Jonas and check-in on the breast-feeding. He was looking a little jaundice, had lost weight, and only took 1/2 an ounce in a 40 minute feed (we checked his pre and post feeding weight). I felt horrible about not being able to feed my baby and was so tired I was getting irrational. By the next day though I was feeling better and have made peace with the pump. I still don't like it but I'll pretty much do anything for this little guy.
In other exciting news, I shaved my legs for the first time in months! I almost forgot it was possible. As much as I loved being pregnant, it's nice to have him on the outside now and get my body back.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Happy Birth Day Jonas!
Our son was born at home December 28th at 10:15 AM weighing 6 lb 12 oz. Our journey to parenthood has been a long one, but thankfully the labor was relatively short. If you're interested in the full details, here's how it all went down.
Saturday around 5 PM our midwife came to the house to check my cervix and strip my membranes. I had also been to acupuncture to "fluff my kidney qi" in hopes for a smooth labor and had started evening primrose oil to get my cervix ready. I had also been taking longer more strenuous walks the past few days. MM was a little nervous about the whole stripping the membranes thing, but she assured us that she does this for almost all her clients (if they're GBS negative) and only once has it put them into labor within 24 hours. Well, I'm not sure if it was the walk, the acupuncture, the oil, or if Jonas was just ready, but at 1:30 AM on Sunday I lost my mucus plug and about 15 minutes later, my water broke. Thankfully it was clear/pinkish with no meconium. I called my midwife and let her know. She said to try and rest and see if my contractions picked up. I called less than an hour later when the contractions were getting pretty strong and closer together, every 5-6 minutes. I had hopes of making banana bread during the early labor stages, but I couldn't get past gathering the ingredients. I was beginning to doubt my ability to do this whole thing unmedicated at home. MM started putting the AquaDoula together and helped me through the tougher contractions. My midwife and the nurse got to the house around 5 AM, followed shortly by our housemate Nena who had just arrived from her Christmas vacation, and Jules, a great friend and natural nurturer. They kept us all fed and hydrated throughout the process and acted as our photographers. I can't thank them enough.
The midwife didn't want to check me at first because my water had broken, but when I said I was having the urge to bear down and my contractions kept getting stronger they checked. I was 7 cm at around 5:30. Finally the AquaDoula was hot and ready, so I got in to help me through transition. It was a really nice change and helped keep me a little more comfortable. Before too long I was completely dilated and ready to push. I think it was around 7:30. I wanted to get out of the tub and move to the bedroom, so that's what we did.
I pushed for what seemed like forever, but was really about 2 1/2 hrs. I begged the midwife to just take him out, but she assured me I was going to push him out myself. I felt his head coming out and finally MM and I delivered our son. It was one of those truly amazing moments in life. To bring life into the world, to see this child who has grown inside of me from just a few cells--it's indescribable. Thanks for joining me on this journey. Hope you like the snapshot.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
38 Week Report
I had my weekly appointment on Monday. My midwife checked my cervix and said I was a "cheap 2." I guess that means I'm somewhere closer to 1.5 cm dilated, but if you stretch it you could call it a 2 and I'm 50% effaced (the cervix is getting thinner). I would like to be a little further along at this point, but I'm not complaining. At least these contractions are doing something.
Monday afternoon I went for my formal ultrasound to check the fetal weight. His estimated weight was 6 lb 14 oz +/- 13 oz. They aren't super accurate this late in the game, but at least we know he's not 10 lbs or something. Everything else looked good. It was fun to watch him playing around in there. We got another good shot of the genitals--still a boy :), but he was shy about giving a good profile picture. He kept getting his feet and hands in the way. I guess we'll see the real thing soon enough.
Now I'm just closing in on the last few things I want to get done before he comes. I finally finished knitting a little sleep sack for him and am almost done making a new cover for the bassinet.
MM and I are looking forward to a few quiet days home alone together. Our families are in the South and Midwest, so it's just us this holiday. We don't have any commitments other than a reservation for Christmas dinner. I think we're going to try and pack in several movies since it looks like it's going to be rainy.
Merry Christmas Eve!
Monday afternoon I went for my formal ultrasound to check the fetal weight. His estimated weight was 6 lb 14 oz +/- 13 oz. They aren't super accurate this late in the game, but at least we know he's not 10 lbs or something. Everything else looked good. It was fun to watch him playing around in there. We got another good shot of the genitals--still a boy :), but he was shy about giving a good profile picture. He kept getting his feet and hands in the way. I guess we'll see the real thing soon enough.
Now I'm just closing in on the last few things I want to get done before he comes. I finally finished knitting a little sleep sack for him and am almost done making a new cover for the bassinet.
MM and I are looking forward to a few quiet days home alone together. Our families are in the South and Midwest, so it's just us this holiday. We don't have any commitments other than a reservation for Christmas dinner. I think we're going to try and pack in several movies since it looks like it's going to be rainy.
Merry Christmas Eve!
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