Monday, February 2, 2009

Home Alone

Jonas is 5 weeks old now, and today was our first day home alone together. MM took the first 3 weeks off, then my mom and grandparents came the day before MM had to go back to work. My mom stayed for two weeks and left on Saturday evening (she returned for another brief stint later in the week). It was great to have help for so long, but I also felt like it was time for Jonas and I to get into our own groove.

I know it's different for everyone, but bonding didn't happen instantly like I imagined. I love him deeply, but the feeling of closeness and attachment just wasn't there for a while. The complete dependence of an infant and the selflessness that's required of a mom is intense, and was harder to handle than I thought it would be. Now that we're on our own and some time has passed (and breastfeeding is finally getting easier) The feelings I was missing and wanted at first are coming.

Everything went pretty well today. No major melt-downs for either one of us. I ate, he ate, we walked, he even let me shower while he hung out in his bassinet looking at a book. Not a bad first day home alone.


Nate, Maurine, Hannah, and Monroe said...

I'm impressed he's reading already! : ) Sorry breast feeding has been a challenge for you. I am glad you are sticking with it. Motherhood is an amazingly difficutly and amazingly wonderful challenge.

Anonymous said...

I'm just so impressed with your blog, how brave and honest you are, how thoughtful and articulate. It's such a valuable sharing that you're doing. Love you so much and thanks for meeting me at the Whole Foods today!