Viability Blues

I've been having a hard time since I hit 24 weeks with what I'm calling the viability blues. As a nurse who worked in Pediatric ICU for almost 3 years, I've seen more than enough ex-preemies with varying degrees of physical, neurological, and developmental deficits to make a momma nervous.

There's still some debate about what the point of viability is, but 24-26 weeks is right on the edge for me. I have fears of preterm labor or premature rupture. I'm having trouble sleeping.

I'm not high risk. All indications are that little man is healthy, growing, and on track for a term delivery. But that's just it--there's no good way to predict who will give birth preterm and who won't.

For now I'm setting smaller goals. I don't need to get to 40 weeks, even 28 would make me feel a lot better. After that, 32 would be great.

It's strange to be here at 24 weeks, wondering and worrying, when for so long I doubted if I'd even get pregnant. Now I am, and I'm really attached. I can't imagine the pain of a loss at this point.

I'm leaving for a 10 day trip on Wed to visit some friends from Nursing school and then to see my family. By the time I get home I'll be 27 weeks. The trip should be a good distraction. I'm taking a copy of my prenatal record, just so nothing will happen.

That's my story here at almost 25 weeks. Thanks for checking in.

Good Days

The last few weeks have been really fun. I'm enjoying the increased energy of the second trimester and taking advantage of the freedom and kid-less time.

MM has been out of town all week, and out of range (backpacking for a week--for work). It's strange to be without him now. Pregnancy somehow makes me feel a little more vulnerable, but everything has been fine. I freaked out for about an hour yesterday when I had some funny pelvic pain, but it went away.

I went out with friends yesterday to a big festival at the park, "Power to the Peaceful." The music was good and there was some great people-watching. Lots of people were there with kids, but I was glad to be without for now. I didn't get the onesie above at the festival, but it was definitely that kind of thing. Peace, Love, and all that jazz. Ziggy Marley was great.

That's the update for now. Twenty-three weeks tomorrow!